Tag Archives: doubts

Learning in the Struggle – Journey Reblog #12

At one time when my anxiety symptoms intensified, I reached out for help. Through a series of misunderstandings, I ended up spending a night in a “suicide watch” unit, even though suicide has never been an issue for me. But while I was there, I met a young mother who had tried to take her own life. I wished I knew how to help her.

Since then I’ve learned of others with similar struggles. I prayed privately for one young woman: “Father, she can’t seem to grasp how much You love her or how precious she is to You or how faithful and mighty You are or how You are for her and not against her. Please help her.”

2015 San Francisco, CA

 

I understand where she’s coming from. I remember when I went through my own storm of anxiety. My troubled mind latched onto doubts and let truth slip out of my hands. I wrote wonderful verses in my journal, like Romans 5:5, “…For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.” Also, Psalm 56:9, “…This I know: God is on my side.” (Both are New Living Translation) Still I felt unable to trust and believe the truth.

Doubt pointed at me (and my focus followed his pointing finger) and whined: These things are true for others, but maybe not for me. I don’t have as much faith as other people. I might not love God enough, or perhaps I’m not good enough. There could be conditions on these promises that I’m not meeting.”

Two things that helped me were getting proper medication and understanding that I could choose to believe God no matter how I felt. Now that storm has passed, and I’m learning to turn my gaze away from me and back to God. It occurred to me that whatever I’m lacking, He is great enough to make up for. He calls me to believe Him, trust Him, and rest in Him.

 

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Learning to Wait

Oh, no! Saul’s troops were quickly slipping away. The ones who remained trembled with fear. Saul had waited the seven days there at Gilgal as Samuel had instructed, but Samuel still hadn’t come. Saul panicked. “Bring me the burnt offerings and the peace offerings!” he demanded. Then he made the sacrifices that Samuel was going to do when he arrived.

Just as Saul finished the burnt offering, Samuel arrived and asked what Saul had done. Saul replied that he saw his men scattering, and Samuel hadn’t come when he had said, and the Philistines were ready to march against them. He added that he felt compelled to offer the burnt offering himself because he didn’t want to go into battle without asking for God’s help. (Based on 1 Samuel 13:7-12 NLT).

Unfortunately, I’m like King Saul sometimes. I want to learn to wait on God (Isaiah 40:31 NKJV—“But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint”).

But when I wait to hear God’s voice, I get impatient and start listening to doubts. The voice of doubt says that God doesn’t want to speak with me or fellowship with me. It says that I can’t perceive His presence or hear what He says. The doubt from human pride hints that I should get busy with other things. So, like King Saul, I go to plan B. There wasn’t a plan B when I started to wait on the Lord, but when I let the doubts drag me to the edge of unbelief, I think I need to come up with a new plan.

Father, please forgive my impatience. Thank You for forgiveness and for Your patience with me. Now that I see the doubts, I can choose to bring them captive to Jesus. I’m determined to sit at Your feet and learn to wait. Amen.

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